I used to think when someone around me was dealing with a problem I must do all within my power to help them. To a certain degree this is a Christ like and wonderful intention to have, after all the scriptures teach us that we are to "bear one another's burdens" and "lift up the weary hands that hang down". There is nothing wrong with helping those we love to endure the challenges this life can bring. However many times I have found myself consumed with others worries. So much that at times it has put my own happiness and state of mind in peril.
Years and wisdom have began to teach me that there is also another great option: Let the person own their problem and grow and learn by having to solve it or work through it themselves. By allowing myself to do this I have been able to experience empathy without overwhelming anxiety. I have found it is mentally and spiritually a much healthier approach. As I learn to do this better, I am able to be a stabilizing, calm and positive force for those around me, whose problems may be causing them temporary chaos and stress. I can be faithfully optimistic and encourage them to come up with some inspired solutions of their own. Seeking for the Lord's help in resolving their troubles can build their faith and confidence in understanding how the spirit works personally with them. This spiritual tool is an essential one that they can learn to use throughout their entire lives with any problem or difficulty that may encounter.
Some time ago I wrote these words that apply so well to what I was thinking today.
I must learn after doing all that I can do, to let things go....take for instance my children's schoolwork. After helping my kids by encouraging them to do homework, showing them how to fill out a planner and trying to enforce a study time each day, they must then be in charge of their grades not me. I cannot feel like a failure if they choose to fail...they must learn to be in charge of their own destiny. Another example.... My oldest child is now an adult, who must be in charge of her own life. She is able to learn things through trial and error, and to establish values and beliefs based on her own experiences in the world. It is my job to be her exemplar, mother, confidant and cheerleader. Encouraging her towards becoming her best and showing her I care by loving her and leading a gospel based life. The rest must be left up to her.
I must learn after doing all that I can do, to let things go....take for instance my children's schoolwork. After helping my kids by encouraging them to do homework, showing them how to fill out a planner and trying to enforce a study time each day, they must then be in charge of their grades not me. I cannot feel like a failure if they choose to fail...they must learn to be in charge of their own destiny. Another example.... My oldest child is now an adult, who must be in charge of her own life. She is able to learn things through trial and error, and to establish values and beliefs based on her own experiences in the world. It is my job to be her exemplar, mother, confidant and cheerleader. Encouraging her towards becoming her best and showing her I care by loving her and leading a gospel based life. The rest must be left up to her.
Being a micro manager over everyone- my husband, my kids and my extended family can be exhausting. But when I learn to let some of it go I feel free and recognize my role as a leader, wife, mother and friend who must simply set the pace not continually carry everyone's backpacks for them.
